Sympathy and funeral flowers in Tampa Bay.

There are two main options, and both are appropriate.

Close family and friends sometimes send both. Colleagues, neighbors and acquaintances usually send one or the other, and a home arrangement is never wrong.

• Flowers for the service go to the funeral home, church or venue before the viewing or the service. They're displayed near the casket or urn, or at the entrance, and are seen by everyone who attends. They often go home with the family afterwards.
• Flowers for the family go to their home. They're more personal, and many families find them most meaningful in the days and weeks after the service, when the house is quieter and the visitors have gone.

Customs around flowers vary, and it's worth checking before you send.

If the obituary asks for donations in lieu of flowers, honor that request first. A small arrangement sent to the home later is still a kind gesture.

When in doubt, the funeral home can tell you what the family prefers.

• At Jewish funerals, flowers are not traditionally part of the service or the shiva. Food, a donation or a personal visit is more usual. A plant or flowers sent to the home later is sometimes welcome, but ask a family member first.
• Many Christian services, including Catholic and Protestant funerals, welcome flowers at the church and the funeral home.
• In many Hindu, Buddhist and Chinese families, white and yellow flowers are customary for mourning, and bright red is generally avoided.
• In many Muslim families, simplicity is emphasized, and practices around flowers differ. Ask before sending to the service.

Keep it short and sincere. The family will read many cards, and a few honest words mean more than a long message.

If you knew the person, a short memory is the most meaningful thing you can write. Sign with your full name, and your relationship if the family may not know you, for example "Sarah Klein, from Dan's office."

For a business sending flowers to a colleague's family, sign with the team or company name. Our flower etiquette guide has more examples.

• "With deepest sympathy."
• "Holding you close in our thoughts."
• "Remembering [name] with so much love."
• "Thinking of you all, and of [name], today."

Many families now hold a celebration of life or a memorial reception rather than a traditional funeral, sometimes weeks later, in a home, a club or a restaurant. These events often feel warmer, and the flowers can be too: the person's favorite colors, garden flowers, or something that reflects their life. Ask the family or the organizer what they'd like, and share the venue address and the start time when you order.

Grief isn't limited to funerals. Losing a pet, a pregnancy loss, or a death that was complicated can leave someone without the usual rituals, and flowers are a gentle way to acknowledge it. Keep the card simple, such as "Thinking of you," and choose something small and calm. An orchid is a good choice, and it doesn't ask anything of the person.

The weeks after a funeral are quiet, and the first birthday, holiday or anniversary of the death can be the hardest. A small arrangement or an orchid on that date, with a card that names the person who died, tells the family they're not the only ones who remember.